Over the middle of America, a cold frost moves over us as I sit and write. Here in Nebraska, it is a chilling -20 degrees when the wind is blowing. I’m nestled quietly away in my boyfriend’s niece’s bedroom, where I can find a little piece of quiet to write and reflect in, which is a rare occurrence on this long-road trip/ move /journey we’ve found ourselves on. Our next stop is Fort Yates on the Standing Rock Reservation, where it is -22 degrees, but that’s without the wind. Frostbite warnings flood social media, and I realize we sure did pick an interesting time for a road trip across the Northern part of our country.
I can’t help but wonder what Mother Nature means by this. Is it a reminder? A warning? Global warming? A beckoning? An invitation?
Yes, I feel it can be seen that way…. As an invitation…. to look, one last time at those parts of ourselves- innermost- deep deep down- that remain frozen. A few days after I’m writing this, it will be Imbolc, which translates to “In the Belly” and is the Gaelic marking of spring’s return. When all seeds are planted, when gestating things begin to rustle their way to the surface, readying to wake.
As these sleeping things rustle inside me, I find myself asking a lot of questions here on my almost-niece’s bed. Questions like, what aspects of our medicine are still kept secret, frozen inside our bodies like glaciers and held together through conditioning? What emotions and underlying beliefs- have we grown so accustomed to in our day to day lives, that we don’t even notice the effect of damage they are having on our present moment? These are the long-term icy conditions, the slow-burn frostbitten parts of ourselves, which we inflict upon ourselves by accepting the lie that we cannot change things, and that we are better off not looking.
Where have we frozen our inner fire?
A couple of weeks ago, at home at my parents house in Connecticut, I came to face one of these dormant lies. My boyfriend and I found ourselves staying with my family a few more weeks past the holidays when our car unexpectedly broke down on our cross-country road-trip/move. So I was doing what I did whenever I needed to reset and cool down. I was taking a shower.
Often in the shower I’m able to clear my space, wash away energies not inherent to my own physical & spiritual bodies- and hear more clearly the guidance of beings who have my best interest in favor. Sometimes- I also gain clarity around those that do not. Beings, energies, entities that may be in my genetic space, in my ancestral space, in my home or simply in the air. Then, I am given opportunity to do something about that. To clear them away with prayer, with tools, with concentration.
So, as I was in the shower, I began to ask the water to assist in washing this muck away from me. It was a very suffocating energy. One could say- it was the energy of depression. I began to look into it further- using the tools of Access Consciousness and asking “Who does this belong to?” Where is it coming from? What are the underlying beliefs and points of view here?” when suddenly- a light bulb went off. I sensed the depression energies were coming from not me, but family member whom I was sharing the space with.
Then, I became very clearly aware
of an underlying subconscious point of view
that was holding this depressive energy in place- and this was it:
“In this world, it is easier to be depressed, than to be aware.”
When you realize that belief creates your reality, having this as an underlying and adopted belief, can be truly damaging. And the truth is really, that it’s a lie.
“Wow.” I thought- “Wow, this is truly incredible.” Imagine how sensitive you would have to be, imagine the extent and reach of the gifts of a person- whose vulnerability was so palpable and raw- that they chose to cover and cloak it all up in awash of depressing, suppressing- contracting energies, rather than to be open and unabashedly aware of it all?
And the sad truth is- there are many truly gifted and sensitive people in our world today who are made to feel this way. Those who feel they must remain submerged in a sea of contracting energies, in order to seem “normal”. What if you didn’t have to make yourself smaller in order to “fit in”? This was how my relative was feeling, I realized. And I- out of my love for them, had begun to subconsciously mimic their behavior and adopt this belief, as an attempt to “pull it out of them” and heal my family member!
In that moment- I gained such clear awareness of what could be called this relative’s true brilliance, the sharpness of their sensitivity, and the depth of the wounds they must carry and cover up with this simple adopted belief. At this point, the lie had moved from their subconscious-knowing, and become a quite conscious life-decision to simply ‘opt-out’. That is to say, the energies and anti-conscious forces carrying this point of view had infiltrated and begun to sculpt this family-members mindscape, cloaking their whispers in the robes of his thoughts, until he could not tell the differences between themselves and him.
“Is this one way of attempting to die, without dying?” I wondered.
Suddenly, I became very grateful for all of the gifts of my own awareness, and for the happy accidents which turned into years of self-healing, therapy & determined change to work out and extricate this whole point of view and situation from my own world. Truly, what it all comes down to, is the more sensitive the being, also the more susceptible...and what if a different reality were possible? What if we lived in a world were sensitivities were encouraged and supported, rather than hidden and inhibited? When we are blocking ourselves from our own awareness, that blocked energy can begin to express itself in very symptomatic, unhealthy ways- which I have experienced in full. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, voices-in-the head, headaches, back pain….all of these past experiences had actually been symptoms of places I was not able to receive what my knowing was telling me.
I became very grateful for the beings I can now call by name, and talk with openly, each day, in prayerful or more casual ways, simply because they are always there for me, and simply because I believe it.
These are my guides and guardians, ancient ancestors, beings of the Stars and beings of the earth. The nature spirits, and the Kontomble (little people of the Dagara tribe in Burkino Faso) who are all guides and in many ways teachers, whom I am in service to. All together, with me as a bridge, are here to serve the Goddess in her return to this Earthly realm. Together we yearn for human beings remembering of her, and for humanity’s re-uniting with the feminine in this physical reality. We as humans have become so drastically, and in many ways- virtually, separated from the earth. One way to mend this separation, is to claim what we know and what our bodies have been telling us- (and for some, literally screaming at us) to listen to.
So with this mornings return of frost, I am meant to remember two things the Kontomble have shared with me over the years of coming to know them in this life. One- was about a year ago when I was receiving Reiki from a friend, I heard very clearly:
“You have to melt the glaciers in your own body,
so Mother Earth will not melt hers.”
With this immediate, clear statement, a rush of understanding came to me. They were speaking of the divorce of humanity from Mother Earth. How as a result of generations worth of separation and divide from earth-based ritual, tribal-living, and from communities centered around living in a state of communion, balance and harmony with our home planet, Mother Earth- that parts of our very bodies had actually frozen. Inside these frozen, “traumatized” parts of our backs, our necks, our thighs, our wombs, our pelvis, our throats, our hearts- lay stores and stores of wisdom which is the exact medicine being asked for at this time.
As human beings alive on the planet today, it is our responsibility, our duty & our privilege to acknowledge and awaken these parts of ourselves, to activate and bring them out into the world, if we hope to create greater for the future. The past generations suffering can begin to come to an end with the current generations. All that it takes is the courage to go deeper into your own body’s wisdom. Sharing the ancient wisdom and medicine that resides in our bodies can help mend our current state and situation here on earth.
For every molecule you unlock and awaken, you create so much potential for the future. You are literally creating space. A lot of what we have here on earth with the rise of technology and a divorce from nature is a shutdown on space. Have you ever just wanted to go outside and told yourself you can’t, because it’s a bit too windy, or the grass is muddy, or because it’s supposed to rain? Spend a few days in a more rural environment, and this hesitation will quickly change. Even so, think of the times and days when our ancestors had to be out in the elements for their survival. In many ways they were much more alive, because they were engaging with the elements.
Now certainly I believe there are ways in which we can be more alive and still choose to have a roof over our heads. It comes with the conscious cultivation of a harmonious relationship with the elements through clear intention. This is what may of our guides are asking of us at this time. To be clear about those intentions. To remember the long-game. To remember, and keep in mind, the generations before us, and the generations to come. For example, begin to consider the next 7 to 20 generations. What if every choice you made each day had an effect on the next 100,000 years?
So this brings me to the next part of what the Kontomble said about the glaciers in our bodies- how we must melt the glaciers in our own bodies- so Mother Earth does not have to melt hers. They mean this quite literally. And yet, there is more to it than first meets the “ear”.
One may say Mother Earth’s melting glaciers are a cry to humanity to wake up, and to change the course when it comes to fossil fuels emissions and the wasteful way we run our lives. Yet there is something even more to this. The structure of the water inside those glaciers is literally ancient, and in many ways- untouched by the last handful of generations of human beings on planet earth. Untouched by the drinkers, the bleeders, the criers, the killers, the lovers, of the past thousands of years- untouched by the industrial revolution, untouched- perhaps, in many ways- by genocide, untouched- in many ways- by greed.
The crystalline forms and codes inside those ice-forms are consistently sweeping themselves out into the sea. Just think of the medicine inside that water. Yes, the water of most glaciers replenishes at least every 100 years or so, and yet the codes inside the elements are constantly upgrading. And now, Mother Earth, in her mysterious divine wise ways, has chosen to melt their stores at a more rapid rate- letting loose the medicine of ancient generations back into the waterways, and awakening parts of ourselves older than humanity has been able to remember in a long, long time.
If we are able to mirror her, and do our side of the work, we can create greater for the planet. In fact in many ways this is already happening. In a recent episode of the Embodied Astrology podcast, I heard that Neptune is currently in Pisces. The last time this happened was at the dawn of the Spiritualism movement in the late 1800’s. I believe in many ways, the stars were setting the stage for this second wave of remembering, happening now- while Neptune is in Pisces from 2012 to 2025. The cosmic plan reaches out in all directions, further than each one of us can hope to see, as we live embodied in flesh on this material plane. One thing we can do is trust that all is always moving us toward love, and another we can do is listen. The third, is to take action and intentionally cultivate where your interest lies.
This brings me to the third thing that was shared with me by the Kontomble, only one week earlier than I write this. That there are many beings in our current reality who are taking interest in the happenings on our planet at this time. Some, are interested in helping, and some- are interested in taking. And so they take interest. Quite literally- interest, attention, focus, energy, dreams, desires and life-force is being taken from living beings. Mostly humans, who then in turn, take it from the elemental beings, from nature, from environments and those spirits who *secretly* or not so secretly anymore- tend to them.
And so the Kontomble asks us this-
“Where does your interest lie?
Are you interested in gaining interest?
Or are you interested in creating a more beautiful life
on this planet?”
Interest is a funny word, it is almost like a spell used by bankers. They use this word “interest” to let you know that if you invest your resources in them, you will gain something. Kontomble & the spirits of nature ask that we invest our energies in spirit, in the earth, in loving heart-centered connections. They have me thinking about what institutions, collaborations, cultivations and creations I invest the resource of my life in, my resource of breath in, my resource of attention in, and they leave us all with many questions to ask of ourselves before we welcome in Spring….
Imagine what it creates when we choose to be in service to life itself?
Imagine what it creates when we are forgiving enough of ourselves to notice the places where conditioning still overrides us, and consciously change it and let it all go?
What parts of ourselves are still frozen, and what is the mirror of mother earth want us to look at more closely?
By the beginning of this years spring, what will you have melted within your own heart, and so graciously given over to this year’s last ice?
And by the turn of the season, what seeds will have come to bloom in those spaces?
With love and remembering,